


Just Breathe

by lovesickinsidemyhead



Category: Danny Phantom
Genre: Car Accidents, F/M, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-11
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2018-10-17 19:45:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10600938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovesickinsidemyhead/pseuds/lovesickinsidemyhead
Summary: It was a cold, snowy day. Before Dash Baxter knew it, his entire life would be turned around in one extremely traumatic experience. His way of thinking and his perception of others will drastically change, especially when it comes to the boy who he bullied all of freshman year. Dash never knew that the unlikeliest of people would soon become his shoulder to cry on.





	1. Too Many Questions

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. 

 

Hold... 

 

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. 

 

The calming voice of the female doctor was soothing to my ears. It was difficult to hear her due to the dried, crusty blood on the sides of my face, but it was better than hearing car horns and glass shattering. It was hard to imagine what it looked like. I could hardly remember and I was in the middle of it all. The only image that can come to mind was an eighteen-wheeler plowing towards the left side of my truck. Shit, it hurts to remember. It hurts to think. It hurts. 

 

As the breathing exercises end, another voice speaks up from farther across the room. The person asks if I will be okay. It doesn’t sound like my parents, not that they would care anyways. It’s a male voice. I can’t figure out who it is. My mind strains trying to put a face or a name to the voice. The doctor doesn’t respond. Instead she takes him out into the hallway, closing the door behind the two of them. Trying to open my eyes felt like prying open a jammed car hood. By the familiar crusty feeling, there was dried blood on my eyes as well. Jesus, do they not wash the blood off when patients arrive? It isn’t a big deal, anyways. As I’m finally able to open my eyes, I’m blinded by the familiar LED hospital lights that are wired across the ceiling. The beeping of the heart monitor was the only noise in the room, and I’m on the brink of throwing it out the goddamn window. My eyes dart around the room to try and get a good view of my surroundings. As I start to lift my head up, I glance at my body and it’s fucking bad. 

 

My arms are covered in bandages and my left leg is in a cast. Damn, was it really that bad? I never felt the pain until now. I heard the door open and my eyes immediately shot towards the doorway and my head rested itself back down onto the pillow. I can see the doctor walk in and she instantly noticed my eyes were open. “Hey buddy, how are you feeling?” She asks with a calm tone. She’s obviously trying not to stress me out, even though internally I’m asking so many questions. What the fuck happened? Who got me here? Where are my parents? Who was in here talking to you earlier? I’m able to blink but it feels strange. The person who was in the room earlier steps back in while on his phone and he is staring my way. As soon as I get a glimpse of him I’m taken aback. Black hair? Red and white shirt? The voice finally had a face. 

 

“F-Fenton?” I managed to spit out as I lifted my head. The boy glanced at me and immediately widened his eyes. Although he was far away, I could see the horror in his eyes. It was like he saw a fucking ghost or something. What the hell was he doing here? 

 

“O-Oh my god. You’re alive!” Danny exclaimed as a sudden rush of excitement and relief flushed down his face. Why does he act like he cares? He must’ve seen the crash or something, because I can’t think of another legitimate reason for him being here. He hesitantly stepped closer as he gripped his cell phone tightly. “I, tried to contact your parents. They said they’d be around sometime soon. They, didn’t sound very worried.” What the fuck, Fenton? Who said you could start getting involved in my personal life? I have to say something. I can’t let myself be seen like this, especially in front of him. He’d probably tell the entire school about how gross I look. 

 

“G-Get out…” I struggle to say, as my eyes glare at him. “Go!” I nearly shout until the doctor places a hand on my chest and starts to instruct breathing exercises once more. Fenton is frightened by my sudden outburst, and he glances at the doctor who gives him the nod to leave. His gaze falls on me once more and worry is plastered on his face. He grabs his coat and rushes out of the room, instantly obeying my wish. I let out a soft sigh as my eyes are fixed upon the ceiling once more. 

 

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. It was easy for me to doze off whilst going through the breathing exercises. Before I knew it, that day was over. That was all that came out of that day. A few quick minutes of confusion and pain. 

 

It was easier to wake up on the following morning. One of the nurses must’ve come and washed the blood off of my face and arms, because I felt way more free than I did before. My eyes nearly fluttered open as I braced the depressing LED lights once more. This time, I was alone in my room. No doctors, no nurses, no Fenton. I couldn’t decide whether the quiet in the room was peaceful or lonely. I hear a buzzing beside my bed, and I’m able to slowly turn my head over to look at my phone vibrating on the nightstand. I reached my arm up and pushed to grab my phone off of the small table. The further I reached, the more my arm felt like it was splitting open. Perhaps it already was, and I was only making it worse by straining the stitches. 

 

I was finally able to snatch my phone off the stand and I turned the screen towards me. I couldn’t think of who would be texting me right now. It could be anyone by now. My parents, Kwan, Paulina, fuck, who knows? It was hard for me to make out the name on the screen. (Shit, don’t tell me my brain is gonna be screwed up because of this…) I’m finally able to see Kwan’s name on my list of what’s three worried but ‘bro’-like texts. 

 

Kwan: paulina and i are gonna be on our way over after school.  
Kwan: have your parents been there yet?  
Kwan: wtf did i see fenton leaving your room today? 

 

I would hope that Kwan knew I was just in a car crash, and I can barely think straight about anything. I decide not to text him back, refusing to waste energy just on a stupid ‘okay’ text. I drop my phone down onto the stand and rest my arm back down beside my torso. I take in a couple deep breaths just to calm myself down and my eyes are drawn toward the window. Of course it’s snowing. Maybe that was it. Maybe that was the reason behind the car crash. I can’t remember what the weather was like, but either it was bad or a driver made a huge mistake. I think about the eighteen wheeler that hit me. The driver’s probably fine. Comparing that beast to what I was driving, he probably looks better than ever. I can’t find a clock in the room, and I don’t dare move to pick up my phone again, but I assume it’s afternoon. 

 

Kwan should be arriving sometime soon, I’d hope. After about two minutes in this room alone, it gets super fucking boring. I can’t help but think about the last time I was awake, and why the hell Fenton was here. He was the last person I would expect to be here. Why did he seem to care? He asked if I was going to live, what the hell does it matter to him? It couldn’t have looked that bad. Whatever, I shouldn’t be trying to think about it. 

 

I hear my phone vibrate once more, and I assume it’s Kwan. I reach my arm over again, the strain not as tight as it was before. I flip my phone over so I can see the screen and it just ends up being a Facebook notification. I sigh and let go of the phone, disappointed I wasted time on something pointless. As I’m setting my arm back down, the door opens and Kwan and Paulina step in, keeping both of their glances on me. Kwan is holding a bouquet of flowers (which I’m assuming is Paulina’s gift to me, not his.) Kwan seems breathless once he sees all of my body. He doesn’t move and honestly I don’t see him breathe either. Paulina, on the other hand, is hysterical. 

 

“Dash!!! Thank goodness you’re awake!!” She rushes over to the side of my bed and wraps her arms around me tightly. I immediately flinch in pain, as her hugs have been known to suffocate people. Her perfume fills the room and I can’t help but inhale it. Kwan brings the flowers over to the night stand and sets them down. After a couple of days, that’s the only ‘get well’ present I’ve received. It’s fine, though. I don’t expect that much out of people. Paulina never noticed my flinch so she kept her arms around me for a few moments more than I’d like. Once she does pull away, Kwan sits down in the chair beside my bed and Paulina sits on the bed. Not that I want her to. She intertwines her fingers with mine and I want to rip my hand away from hers but I can’t. What the hell am I thinking? She’s the hottest girl in school, I should want her to be holding my hand and giving me attention. 

 

“You looked like shit last time. You’re already starting to look a lot better.” Kwan spoke up as he crossed his arms. Paulina couldn’t stop staring at my bandages and my face. Doesn’t she get the idea of personal space? 

 

“I feel like shit.” I managed to say as I pulled myself up until I was sitting against the stack of pillows behind me. Paulina placed her hand on my shoulder as I brought myself up, and tried to convince herself that she was helping me. 

 

As the afternoon went on, Kwan told me about how some of the other football players were discussing what happened. Shit. Shit. They were already talking about it. It’s probably all around the school now. I’m gonna become some goddamn car crash example for the entire student body. Perfect. After an hour, both Kwan and Paulina are preparing to leave. Paulina stands up beside the bed and then begins to lean in. I’m not quick enough and she catches me in a quick kiss. Fuck, I should be enjoying this. Why do I want her to get out? This crash has been completely fucking me up. 

 

I don’t return the kiss, and as she pulls away she takes it as me not being able to return it due to my injuries. “See ya, guys.” I say as I watch both of them leave. It gets darker and darker outside as I stare at the window. I think of what it’ll be like to finally get out of this room and go back to school. Shit, how will I get to school from now on? As I become lost in my thoughts, a figure opens my door and walks in with (from what I can see) a bouquet of flowers. I turn my head and immediately see the familiar dorky boy that I woke up seeing yesterday. For some reason, I say nothing. I think of no witty insult or any question to ask him. We both just stare at each other in silence. He blinks as he examines my body and I blink as I examine the flowers. 

 

Why would he bring me flowers?


	2. Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was a cold, snowy day. Before Dash Baxter knew it, his entire life would be turned around in one extremely traumatic experience. His way of thinking and his perception of others will drastically change, especially when it comes to the boy who he bullied all of freshman year. Dash never knew that the unlikeliest of people would soon become his shoulder to cry on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: Danny's POV
> 
> Finally uploading the second chapter! I've been working on this one since I uploaded the first one.
> 
> I'm not as proud of it as I thought I would be, but at least it gives you guys another perspective and a lot more insight into what happened. 
> 
> I know at some points it seems rushed, but I promise upcoming chapters will be much smoother and cleaner!
> 
> Remember, feedback is always appreciated!! I love to hear people's opinions on my work and comments on the story!! 
> 
> Again I apologize for sped-through scenes, but at least you guys know a bit more about Danny, now it can get a little fun :)

sam: halfa makes a lot more sense to me now

What?

me: what are you talking about?

I eagerly awaited Sam’s response, curious as to what she meant. She was just now realizing that I was half ghost? Took her a little while, I’ll give it to her that it’s probably a bit complex to truly understand, but-

sam: you’re half ghost, and you’re half gay

What kind of childish joke was she trying to make? She sounds like somebody who just learned that their friend is bi and immediately starts questioning them about it. I always assumed Sam was bi, due to her constant texts about cute girls and not minding getting close to some of them. I never asked her about it, because I know how uncomfortable it can be. 

me: sam you understand that being bi doesn’t mean i’m half gay, right? you get that being bi is it’s own thing?

I think the first time I discovered I was bi was middle school. It was 7th grade, the ‘experimental’ year for me. Some Lucas kid who I can’t remember well enough was into me and I, not knowing how to take it, went along with it. Considering the amount of bullying that occurred throughout all of middle school and most of high school, I caught a break whenever I could. The longest it lasted was a couple of days, because he was apparently testing it as well and decided it wasn’t his thing. It stuck with me, because about two years after that I accepted that I was bi. It made sense, too. I would still want girlfriends, but I also had secret crushes on some boys. Some crushes have even lasted throughout high school, and continue to this day. 

sam: ofc i get that, i was just making a joke

It wasn’t very funny, but Sam’s sense of humor has always been either spot on or far from it. I decide to take a little time before I reply. I set my phone down on my desk as I reach my arms up and stretch, my shirt riding up just a little. I reach down almost immediately to pull it back down so it loosely fits just over the waist of my pants. I glance around my room, my eyes darting around at the pieces of clothes scattered around the floor. Cleaning has never really been my favorite past time, but it’s refreshing especially when I’m tired or if anxiety has been kicking in. I pick up a pair of jeans and a worn t-shirt, tossing both of them into my hamper by the door. I take a deep breath and glance around at what’s left to be cleaned up and I already feel exhausted. I tell myself that it’ll look much better afterwards so I continue picking up the scattered clothes and filling the hamper. Once I toss in the last shirt, I stare at my room and realize that I have a bit more cleaning to do than just picking up clothes. My desk is littered with previous assignments and assorted tests, and my bed sheets just needed to be adjusted. I see my phone light up with what I’m assuming is a text from Sam. I approach my desk and pick up my phone, instantly feeling my face turn red after finishing reading the text. 

sam: the 80s dance is coming up, do you think he’ll ask you or paulina?

You dumbass, why did you ever tell her about him in the first place? It’s not like it’ll ever be anything. But just saying his name and thinking about his muscles gets me flustered to say the least. What the hell, now isn’t the time for this. I have to finish cleaning and get started on tomorrow’s homework. 

me: doesn’t matter, don’t wanna go anyways

It wasn’t a lie or a way of getting out of answering. I just wasn’t generally interested in dances. Not many people actually dance, most of them just grind on each other and the rest sit around doing nothing. If I were to go, I would be more than out of place. 

Sam had always teased me about my crushes, but this one was never ending. She didn’t approve of Dash, no one who knew me really did. After everything he had done, none of them really knew the reason why I stuck with him. 

In eighth grade, Dash was a lot easier to talk to, approach even. Mostly because he wasn’t a star football player yet. I remember going to school one day after my grandmother had died and I couldn’t keep myself composed. Dash was the only one who picked up on it and actually attempted to comfort me rather than just leaving me alone. I still remember the hugs I received from Dash that day. It somehow stuck in the back of my mind as if it was my only memory of Dash. The worst part is no one else knows about it. Either it’s been forgotten (as well as the entirety of middle school) or no one else witnessed it, which I think is mostly the case. There’s no one I can tell now that wouldn’t immediately use it against Dash, except maybe Kwan. The only people who know are Sam and Tucker, but Tucker and I don’t really talk anymore. We don’t see each other, either. He moved away last year and our friendship just kind of dissolved. It was a long time coming, but by now Sam and I accept the fact that he’s gone. 

I decide not to think about neither Tucker or Dash and I walk over to my cluttered desk. I plop down in my chair and I pull an unfinished assignment out of the small pile and immediately start to work on it. I keep the memory of that day with Dash floating in my head, and soon I imagine what it would be like to go to the dance with him.

After about an hour, I glance at my phone and see that it’s 11:30. Sam’s probably not asleep, but I don’t have the strength to discuss the dance or my taste in guys with her anymore tonight. I click the pen I’ve been using and set it down beside a couple now finished assignments. I pull myself out of the chair and snatch my phone off the desk. I plug it into the charger on my nightstand and drowsily slip into bed. I almost immediately fall asleep, lost in the thought of slow dancing with Dash at the dance.

~

The next morning, I have absolutely no trouble waking up earlier enough to be more than ready for school. Unlike most teenagers, I’m not one to sleep in unless I’m completely exhausted the day before. I glance at my window and see the snow gently falling outside. Whenever snow came to Amity Park, it was nice. We didn’t get too much, and we didn’t get too little. But after seeing how much is falling, I decide not to drive to school today. I’m anxious enough driving by myself to begin with, so driving in a snow flurry doesn’t make it any better. 

I nearly jump out of bed as I drag my feet towards my closet. I pull open the door and see a complete mix of options. I decide to wear a loose blue v-neck t-shirt with my typical dark blue jeans. 

Once changed, I leave my room with my backpack slung over my shoulder, and my phone slipping into my pocket. I rush downstairs and turn directly into the kitchen, spotting a bowl of fruit on the counter. I walk over and snag an apple out of the bowl, immediately taking a bite. I decide not to have much of a breakfast here, so I’ll walk to school and just have whatever low-quality food they’ve prepared. As I leave the kitchen, I set my backpack down and pull my coat off of the hanger. I slip my arms into the sleeves and zip it up, trying to work through what my class schedule will be today. 

I pick my backpack up again and swing both straps over my shoulders so it’s secure. I open the front door and brace the cold wind and large snowflakes that are being hurled around outside. I step off the porch and instantly take a right, starting to head towards school.

I can feel my phone vibrating in my pocket, but I know it’s just Sam complaining about the weather. I don’t think there’s one thing in Amity Park that Sam doesn’t complain about. As I approach an intersection, I can hear what I assume is a truck behind me. I sigh and stop at the intersection to make sure nothing’s coming. It’s hard enough to see lights through the thickness of the snow, but I can see a pair of headlights to my left.

Before I realize it, the truck that was coming from behind me pulls into the intersection. A car horn blows and before I can do anything, the truck is nearly demolished.

“Shit!!” I nearly shouted as I covered my face and turned away from the crash. I turn back and see an eighteen wheeler stopped in the middle of the intersection and what’s left of the truck in front of it. 

I rush out towards the truck and notice it’s slight familiarity, yet I shrug it off and attempt to open one of the doors. It takes a little bit of time and more strength than I have, but I’m able to pry open a door and look inside.

No.  
No.  
No.

He looked horrible. His face was bloody, he was bent over into the passenger seat, and from what I could see there were shards of glass in his face and arms. 

“Dash???” I struggle to say his name, still shaken about seeing him this way. He isn’t responding. Shit, is he even breathing?? I grab his arm and hastily feel for a pulse. Oh thank god. I grip his arm harder and grab his other arm as I force myself to pull him out. I slip on the ground below me, but I keep my grip on him. I can’t let him go, I can’t. I pull harder and harder until he starts to budge and slide out of the truck. His blood stains my clothes, but that’s not even a worry of mine. I wrap my arms around his chest and finally manage to pull him out of the truck. I fall to the ground with him in my arms and my eyes can’t help but tear up.

I look down at his face and I wipe away as much blood as I can so I can at least recognize him. I immediately reach into my pocket to pull my phone out and call 911. Once the call is finished, I stuff my phone back into my pocket and keep a hold of Dash as I wait for the ambulance to arrive. 

This isn’t how I wanted my arms to be around him again. This isn’t what I imagined. This is something I never want to imagine. I glance around, only seeing the driver of the eighteen wheeler on his phone making calls to what I assume is his boss. I don’t see anyone else around so my gaze falls back down towards Dash. I sigh and I run my stained fingers through his stained hair. Out of an impulsive act, my head is drawn down towards his and my lips gently press against his forehead. 

Fuck, Danny, get it together! Now’s not the time for this shit! 

I instantly pull away and let out a shaky sigh as I wait for the ambulance to arrive. After a couple of minutes, it pulls up to the accident site and two EMT’s immediately bring a stretcher over to Dash and I. I gently rest Dash down as they take over for me. My hands dripped with Dash’s blood as I watched him be picked up and taken into the back of the ambulance.

I want to go.

I need to go. 

My legs decide for me that I have to go with Dash, so I start sprinting towards the ambulance and hop in the back, letting myself sit down beside the stretcher. I keep my eyes focused on Dash, wishing this kind of scenario would never take place again. I muster up the courage to ask an EMT one of the questions he hears almost one hundred times a day.

“H-He’ll be okay, right?”

That’s all I’m able to force out but it should be enough for an answer. 

“We can’t be sure right now. We don’t know just how much damage is done.” The EMT responded with a very calm and honest tone. I respected that, but it didn’t help me or Dash whatsoever.

When we arrive at the hospital, I follow both of the EMT’s in and I keep my eyes glued to Dash.I see them take him towards the emergency room and I’m stopped by a nurse. They say something to me about a waiting room, but I refuse to listen and I try to push past her.

“No no, you don’t understand. I have to make sure he’s okay, I have to make sure he doesn’t die!” I spit out as I try to push myself past the nurse and towards the emergency room. Another nurse comes in aid of the other nurse and keeps me from moving. 

I end up snapping and I fall to my knees, letting all the emotion that was wrapped up in me spill out. Tears flow down my cheeks, my voice becomes shaky, and soon I’m crying in one of the nurse's arms.

All that ran through my head was the memory of Dash that day in middle school. When he was comforting me. Helping me. Protecting me. All I wanted was to return the favor and never see him suffer and yet here I am, not knowing if he’s going to live or not.

The nurse rubs my back as I completely embarrass myself by breaking down in the middle of a hospital. She helps me up once I’ve let most of it out, and guides me to the waiting room. Not that I want to be there. I’d rather be beside Dash, hearing what the doctors are saying and trying to help in any way I can. Before I sit in a chair, I decide to go to a bathroom to clean myself off as much as I can. I push the door open and notice that the bathroom is empty. I turn a faucet on and immediately start washing the blood off of my hands. I cup my hands and splash some water on my face to help calm myself down. The only thing that would really help me now is hearing whether or not Dash will be okay. 

Once I wash off most of the blood, I walk out of the bathroom and sit down in a chair. I wait for what feels like hours, but was actually only half an hour. My phone vibrates and I pull it out to see Sam’s name plastered all over my screen.

sam: DANNY  
sam: danny please answer me  
sam: where are you?? 

I sigh as my fingers start to tap the keys on my blood stained phone. I type out a reply and push send as I look at the time. It’ll still probably be awhile before I hear from any doctors about Dash.

me: i’m fine. i’m at the hospital with dash. he got in a crash this morning and i came to the hospital with him.

I send the text and then shut my phone off. I stare across the room at a painting on the wall of a beach during the summer. I think about what I’m doing here, and how Dash will react when he wakes up. If he wakes up. I think about the kiss at the crash scene, and I wish I could take it back.

“Baxter?”

I immediately spring out of my chair as I see the doctor entering the room. I grip the bottom of my shirt out of curiosity and eagerly await what the doctor has to say.

“Yes?” I respond, still waiting to know how Dash is and whether or not I can go see him.

“Let’s go. We’ll talk on the way.” 

How the fuck is that helpful?

I start walking beside the doctor down the halls and he starts explaining the situation to me. I try my best to listen to everything she has to say, but my mind is focused on seeing Dash and how he looks after being taken care of by the doctors.

“He’ll suffer from major head problems, and it’s possible he’ll need physical therapy once he’s feeling like he’s a bit better. His arms and face are covered in lacerations from shattered glass and he suffered internal bleeding from the impact.” She explains all of this to me but it still doesn’t answer my question. We walk into the room and my eyes immediately dart at the bed that Dash is laying in. My heart sinks in my chest as I see him mostly bandaged and blood still evident on his skin. His eyes are closed as well, so at least he doesn’t know I’m here. I ask my question again, hoping for a simple response.

“So will he be okay?” I ask, a huge amount of worry in my voice. I don’t turn to the doctor, and I keep my eyes glued on Dash. Fuck, he looks so vulnerable compared to usual. It’s hard to look at him in such a different way. 

The doctor starts to lead me out into the hallway and I’m forced to look away, almost unwillingly. She closes the door behind us and nods at me. A wave of relief flushes through me as I let out a sigh. Thank fucking god. Before the doctor can say anything, I wrap my arms around her tightly and push my face into her shoulder.

“Thank you.” I say as my eyes close and my spirit lifts a little. 

I pull away from her after a couple seconds, and she continues on with what she was going to say. She told me that he would need a lot of support as he healed and moved on from this. She mentioned him developing a form of PTSD, which I should be aware of. After giving me all of the facts and figures, she walks down the hall to grab more files and information packets about this and I pull my phone out. 

I dial the number for Dash’s house, and wait for somebody to pick up. I have his house number saved in my phone just in case something like this were to happen. Plus, he gave it to me in middle school, so of course I’d never give it up. 

His father picked up, and asked in a rude manner who the hell was calling.

“U-Um, hi. This is one of Dash’s, friends. Earlier today he got in a car crash and we’re at the hospital. He’s okay, but I’m sure you guys should come-” Before I could finish what I was saying, his father interrupted and sounded pretty fucked up.

“Tell him he’s going to pay damage fees for MY truck. Actually, I’ll tell him myself. Keep him there.” And with that, the call was over. I was speechless. How the hell can a parent not care that much about their son? It’s possible his father was drunk or on drugs or something, but still! I decide it’s not my problem, and move on to try to call Sam. Before I can pull up her contact, the doctor comes back and walks into the room. I shut my phone off and take the opportunity to see Dash again. When the doctor walks in, I hear her say something but I can’t make it out. But I immediately see Dash staring at me once I walk in. He stares at my as my body fills up with happiness and fear.

“F-Fenton?” He asks as the fear in my body concurs the happiness. Then, without thinking, I blurt out almost everything I’ve been thinking in the past hour.

“O-Oh my god. You’re alive! I, tried to contact your parents. They said they’d be around sometime soon. They, didn’t sound very worried.” 

WHAT THE FUCK YOU DUMBASS???

Before I can realize what I’ve said, Dash is telling me to get out. I immediately rush out of the room and down the hall, afraid of what I said to him and how he took it. Shit, how can I be so stupid?? I leave the hospital and choose to go home, knowing no one will be there. I run down the snowy sidewalks and after about fifteen minutes, I’m on my street and I dart for my house. I rush up the steps and walk inside, instantly shutting the door behind me. 

I spend most of my afternoon thinking about the incident. Thinking about Dash. I stare at my ceiling as I lay on my bed, a hand rested on my stomach as my other arm above my head. I haven’t replied to any of Sam’s texts since I was at the hospital, and I feel too shaken up to work on any homework. All that can run through my mind is the sight of Dash in his truck and the feeling of having my arms around him.

~

The next day, I wake up on my bed, realizing that I had skipped dinner last night and I fell asleep rather early due to exhaustion. I looked at myself and noticed I was still in the clothes from yesterday. I try not to think about it and I change out of my clothes into a pair of loose jeans and a sweater. 

I spend most of my day worrying about how Dash is and wondering if I should go apologize. Before I can decide, it hits me. Shit, did his father go see him? I sigh and decide that I have to go apologize and see if he’s okay after his father visited him. 

I leave sometime in the afternoon, unable to keep track of time today and spending most of it in my room anyways. It’s probably a good excuse for skipping school anyways. I snatch my keys off of the counter and walk outside, seeing the roads plowed and sanded. I get in my car and start it up, pulling out into the road and immediately heading towards the hospital. I see a store on my way there and think for a moment, deciding, then pulling into the store’s parking lot. I shut my car off and rush inside. I approach an area in the store with bouquets of flowers and I pick one up, knowing it’ll seem weird. I leave the store with the bouquet in my hands and a slight smile on my face.

I had the smallest hope that Dash would appreciate the flowers, and for some reason, I didn’t doubt it whatsoever.


	3. One Thing More

“Why are you back here?”

Did he not hear me yesterday? Does he think he has some sort of obligation to be here? Whatever his reason is, it isn’t good enough. It was obvious Fenton was nervous, but I could care less. We aren’t that close. Hell, we’re not close at all. He’s not the kind of person to stand up to someone like me, so why was he now?

“I brought you flowe-”

“That’s obvious, thanks for the reminder. But why are you here?”

It’s like he was consciously avoiding my question. How hard could it be to answer? Does he not have any common sense? Does he understand that this is completely out of the ordinary and isn’t his place to be? Fuck, why can’t he be home doing some science homework or someth-

“I pulled you out of your truck.”

. . . what?

The silence remains in the room for a moment or two after he finished his sentence. I’m not able to come up with a clever response, so instead I decide to hear him out. 

“You were in an accident. I found you. I pulled you out of your truck. I saved you.” 

Fenton’s voice sounded worried, yet strong. It was a weird combination of fear and bravery. Yet, I sat here with the biggest expression of confusion on my face that I’ve ever had. 

He sets the bouquet on the bedside table, and immediately starts to back up. The combination is still there. Instead of keeping my focus on him, I shift it down to my bed covers and raise one of my hands till it connects with my forehead. The feeling of my palm gently resting there feels incredible. It’s almost like Mom rubbing my back, or getting a hug from Kwan. Such a small intimate connection can send invisible shockwaves through one’s body.

“Leave.”  
I can’t handle it right now. I can’t handle this. I can’t-

“I, appreciate what you did I guess, but I can’t fucking understand. Just leave. You being here already gives me a headache.”

I lift my eyes so I can speak more directly to him, but what is see isn’t what I was expecting. The look on Fenton’s face is almost heart wrenching as he backs up and darts out of the room. Typical of him not to say anything back, but not so typical when he was in that kind of mood. Maybe I pushed him over the edge, but whatever. This isn’t his problem to deal with, and I’m certainly not gonna ask for his help or anyone else’s. 

I look over at the bouquet of flowers and can’t help but reach for them. I snag the plastic wrapping and lift up the arrangement of flowers so I can look at them closer. For whatever reason, I bring them closer to my face and take in a deep breath. 

Of all possible natural medicines, I think flowers are the best. Medicine in the sense that the scents they produce can uplift any soul and bring color to any day. 

What the fuck?

What am I talking about? 

Why am I talking about flowers so vibrantly? Why do I feel as though ever since I woke up I’ve been almost a completely different person?

Oh right, the concussion. 

I set the flowers back on the table and take in another deep breath, this time in preparation to try to think about Fenton’s explanation. 

He said he knew about the accident and saved me, but he didn’t say why. Granted, I didn’t give him enough time to, but if it was so important he could’ve just blurted it out, right? Right. Maybe. I’m never able to think straightforward when I’m in a hospital. Not to mention the concussion has really fucked me up. 

Sleep is my best option right now, so I rearrange the pillows and start to lay down. That is, until, strong footsteps enter my room and I look over to see Fenton standing there with his phone in his hand and his breathing was rapid. I manage to push myself up as he begins explaining himself, finally.  
“Look.”

He says as he reaches his arm out and presents a picture on his phone to me. There’s two vehicles, one truck, the other an eighteen-wheeler. On the tar beside the truck is, a smudge? I focus my eyes harder and realize it’s Fenton, holding me while I’m laying on the ground. 

“This was in the news. I told you so. I saved your life, and I get ‘leave’? I have taken so much shit from you through the past and I drop what I’m doing because I’m a decent person and-”

“Danny.” 

I manage to interrupt him as I push the phone away. 

“I’m sorry. Obviously, I’m not thinking straight. Clearly I’m a little fucked up from this okay? I’m sorry I still treat you like a jerk, I am. Thanks.”

I can’t believe I’m saying this. This tone, it’s almost quiet. It’s calm. It’s nice. 

He just stands there and listens, the ferocity in him subsiding into empathy. His eyes soften and mine do too. His entire body relaxes, as does mine. 

By now I’m not sure whether this concussion has fucked me up, or if it’s done me good. 

“Yeah, that’s understandable.”

He says as his gaze darts down to the floor as he steps back and lets himself slump into a chair. 

We sit in silence for what feels like minutes. 

“I’m sorry.”

Good. 

Don’t be a dumbass.

He doesn’t deserve that shit.

Not after what he did for you.

“I’m, an asshole. I know. And I really do appreciate what you did. But, right now I really need rest and I need time to just think.”

Yup, still an asshole. But a little less so.

Luckily, Fent-, Danny agrees and what seems to be a smile grows on his face. 

“I understand. Maybe I’ll visit some other time, if that’s okay. I’ll see you later, Baxter.” 

Danny says as he stands up and leaves the room. He leaves me with my thoughts.

Wonderful.

I refuse to think about what just happened at this time, so finally I let myself slump under the covers and think about what I said to Danny as my mind gradually slows down until it’s finally pitch black.

~

That night, I dream of the past. I dream of everything I’ve ever said to people. I dream of the (rare) compliments, the (common) insults, every up and down. However, I seem to focus on the negatives. Not that it isn’t usual for me, but at this point in time, it is. 

When I wake up, the sun hasn’t risen yet. My eyes open wide as I stare at my window, looking at the dark sky. I roll over and try to find my phone in the dark, eventually feeling the familiar plastic case and the small camera. 

I lift my phone up and turn it on, seeing a couple notifications from Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat. I open Snapchat first, seeing I’ve gotten a couple pics from Paulina. Shocker. The first picture is her with a couple other girls at what seems to be a party, beers in hand, and expressions depicting excitement. The second picture is a little less interesting. She’s standing in front of a mirror with her shirt off and what I’m sure is the drunk version of a sexy look plastered on her face. 

I sigh as I exit the app and open Instagram. Just a ton of unimportant likes from some people that I barely know. Not to mention it was just on the pic of my truck. 

I leave Instagram and open Facebook, where I find what I feel like is fake. A friend request, from Fenton. I click on his profile and scroll through his pictures and statuses. Nothing involving the accident. Good. I never realized he even used social media. Never thought of him as being social. I hesitate for a moment, then click on the ‘Accept’ option. 

Wait. 

He’s gonna see that I accepted his request at, 4:26 A.M.??

Whatever. I’m sure he won’t care.

But, why did he feel as if after our conversation (moreso my one on one intervention) make him believe we could be ‘friends’? 

Surely he still hasn’t forgiven me for all of the horrible things I did to him.

I click on his profile picture and it’s a cropped photo of him sitting on a hill at dusk. I’ll give him credit, it’s a nice pic. Mine’s just the typical ‘pose with your vehicle’ picture. 

I stare at his picture for a few more moments until I turn my phone off and set it back down on the table. I face the ceiling and let myself fall back into this thinking phase. 

There must’ve been some sort of reason he acted at the accident instead of just calling 911 or something. He didn’t know it was me, or did he? Either way, something persuaded him to take action. 

And the fact that he would come visit me what, three times? I’ve spent years torturing him and he still has that bit of compassion in him? 

Before I can continue thinking about it, I’m out. 

I don’t wake up until what I’m guessing is maybe eight?

I reach over and pick up my phone to see 8:09 written at the top of my screen.

I see another Snapchat from Paulina, and hesitantly decide to open it. It must’ve been after that 4 A.M. bit, but if she was partying I wouldn’t put it past her to have still been partying. I open the pic and see her, laying in a bed, kissing some stranger.

I turn my phone off and can’t help but feel relieved. I take no time to let myself smile as I set the phone down. I stretch my arms up as far as I can without hurting myself, and I hear the door open and watch as my father steps in.

No.

“Dad. . .”

“You better have money saved up, because you’re paying for all the damages. If it’s totaled, you’re getting me a new one.”

Dad was a strong believer in the ‘Once you turn eighteen, you become responsible for EVERYTHING’ idea. However, checking to see if his son was physically or (god forbid) emotionally hurt wasn’t on his to-do list. 

“Alright alright, just go home.” I say as I turn away from him. Looking at him makes it all the worse. 

Surprisingly, he agrees, and thankfully is gone within the next few seconds. 

He wasn’t always like this. When I was little he cared a lot more, but now, he’s just kinda given up. I don’t blame him though. He’s gone through a ton of shit. We all have.

I glance over to see my phone light up with a new Snapchat notification.

If I’m lucky it’ll be Paulina frenching that dude.

‘Danny has added you as a friend!’

The smile’s back, and this time it’s the most genuine it’s been in the past few days. 

I open the app and immediately go to my ‘Just Added’ page. I click on the button that adds Danny as a friend and click on the camera. I take a picture of the window (mostly because I’m positive I look like shit at the moment) and add the caption ‘friends, huh?’ and click send. 

It definitely feels weird, wanting to call Danny a friend. But he saved my life, and even though I don’t know why, it still has changed my whole perspective of him.

Danny doesn’t hesitate to reply. I immediately open his response and it’s a bathroom selfie of him smiling and doing a peace sign near his face captioned ‘yeah’ with a smile emoji. 

Now that I think of it, I really want to know. 

I take a picture of the ceiling and start typing the caption.

‘why’d you do it?’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been a while, huh?
> 
> I know, I know, rushed.
> 
> I can't help it! I want things to move on between these two but we all know good fics take time and tons of effort (just look at Stay for example)
> 
> Anyways, how'd you like this chapter? I wanted things to really start moving on for Dash and it may be a bit fast but now that some of these things are out of the way I can get into much better devised writing.
> 
> But please comment with opinions (and critiques, please) and keep me updated on how you all feel about it so far!
> 
> Thanks!


	4. Winter

It wasn’t hard for me to figure out what Dash was asking.

The hard part was how I was gonna answer.

If I were to answer. 

I set my phone down on the counter as I close the door and turn the water on for the shower. I snag a towel from the shelf and set it on the floor as I take off all of my clothes. As I step into the shower, I try not to think about what happened. I try not to think about Dash. The image of the crash circulates in my mind as if it's playing on repeat. Not even knowing everything is alright can make it go away. 

Once I finish showering, I pick up my towel and proceed to dry myself off, still pondering how I’m gonna answer Dash’s question. I could ask Sam for help, but that could lead to her being pushy about it, and I really don't want to be clumsy with this situation. 

I decide it’s for the better to just wait it out and send him something later that in no way connects with the question. As I pull up my jeans and slide my t-shirt over my head, I can’t help but think about going back. Sure I'm not his best friend, and I'm certainly not anything more than that, but I feel a sort of obligation to see him. Maybe it’s the fact that I saved his life, who knows. 

I slip my phone into my pocket as I walk out of the bathroom and grab my keys off of my desk as well as my coat. Sam may have a naive opinion about the whole Dash thing, but she’s the only person I really feel can listen to me about everything and give me some sort of help, whether it be asked for or not.

I rush down the stairs and out the front door, heading down the steps to my car. I hop in the driver’s seat and immediately start the car up. I take my phone out and begin to text Sam as the car warms up. 

‘coming over’

It's short but she knows that if I ever have a problem she gave me the thumbs up to show up whenever. She never has anything better to do, especially when it's snowy and miserable outside. I pull out of the driveway and turn to head towards Sam’s house. 

~ 

As I pull into Sam’s driveway, I shut the car off and sit for a minute. I pull my phone out of my pocket and see a snapchat notification from Dash. 

I shut off my phone and shove it back in my pocket as I get out of my car. I shuffle up to the front porch and ring the doorbell, eagerly waiting for Sam to open the door so she doesn't let me freeze to death out here. The door opens and I see her in one of her typical black and purple hoodies and black pants. I smile as I walk in and take my coat off, hanging it up as Sam closes the door.

“Hey, sorry for coming over so soon, it’s just, this whole Dash thing - ” 

Before I can finish, she butts in.

“What, did you have a dream about him or something last night?” 

She laughs as I give her a look of both embarrassment and anger.

Sam has never pushed me too far, nor is she with this. But she doesn't get how different this is now that the crash happened.

As we walk up the stairs, I try to think of how I'm gonna be able to explain this to her without sounding like I'm from some rom com. We walk into Sam’s room and she practically jumps on the bed as I take a seat at the end of it, pulling my legs up so they're crossed. 

“It changes things, doesn't it? I mean, before there would've been no reason for Dash to become closer friends with me or for me to send him snapchats but I mean, I kind of saved his life.”

It's still difficult to process, but it also fills me with pride and a slight hint of masculinity, to negate my fairly slim and scrawny body. 

“Well of course it changes things, but just because you saved his life, it doesn't mean he owes you a relationship in return. This is Dash we’re talking about, he’ll probably just give you a pat on the back and say ‘Thanks pal!’ as he goes back to his football friends.”

Gee, thanks for the support Sam. 

“But seriously, I don't think it's worth getting hung up over. You like him, I get that, but, I mean, it's Dash.”

Sam's tone was much quieter and empathetic. She's right, of course. 

I hate letting myself get drawn into these stupid immature flusters when it's obvious how it'll end. 

“I just, wanted more.”

I can’t help but let my posture slightly sink after saying that.

“Who knows, maybe there will be more. All I'm saying is don't get your hopes up. You said it yourself, it never worked out for you before. Don't let yourself be tricked into it now.”

Damn her, using my own words against me.

But she's right.

Or, I'm right, I guess. 

I slide my phone out of my pocket and open snapchat, taking a picture of the floor as I begin to type. I add a simple ‘hey’ as I send it to Dash. 

I really hope he's just given up on asking me. If he pushes me too far I'm afraid I'd tell him the real reason.

“How’d you even fall for Dash in the first place?” 

Sam's voice sent a chill down my spine. It was rather quiet, and very intuitive. Honestly I never really thought about it myself. I always assumed it was just the fact that he was physically attractive. But Dash has been on my mind since eighth grade. He's been the only one to stick with me out of all ten or eleven. Now might actually be the time to tell Sam what happened. Maybe it'll change her opinion on the whole matter. 

“Eighth grade. Remember when my grandmother died? He actually attempted to make me feel better. I don't know if it was sympathy or empathy, but it was real either way. I know it's small, but one interaction can change people, y’know?”

Of course she knew. One interaction between us got us to where we are now. If she had never yelled at me about plant conservation, we wouldn't be this close of friends. 

“But I guess it's just grown as we’ve gone through high school. Not like I can do anything about it, but it's nice to think about sometimes.”

And, of course, Sam had a joke to throw at me as usual.

“Grown just like his muscles have?” 

I mean, she isn't wrong.

I sneer at her and scoff.

“Haha, very funny.”

Sam’s expression had changed a bit to more of a somber and slightly upset look.

“How come you never told me about the Dash thing, from eighth grade?”

Don't ask me that. Don't force me to tell you. Don't pull the ‘I’m your best friend, how could you do that?!’ card. 

“Because at the time I didn’t want to tell anyone. I didn't even know what to think when it happened. I just kind of let it happen and accepted it.”

It's a stupid response, but it’s true. Sure, at the time I was feeling a bit different about my sexuality, but that day I was too wrapped up in the thought of my grandmother being gone to even realize or appreciate what Dash was doing. All I remember is standing in an empty classroom bawling my eyes out into his shoulder while his arms were wrapped tightly around me.

Sam must've been able to read my mind, because what she said next was spot on.

“Danny, don't do this to yourself. Don't let yourself chase after something you can't have. I don't want to see Dash hurt you, or worse, you hurting yourself.”

I can't help but agree with her. We both know this wouldn't end well for me. 

“You know what it was like, seeing him there? In the crash? He looked so vulnerable. It was weird, and pretty scary. I'd never seen him like that before and, it was too much.”

I tried so hard to get those images out of my head, but they’ll probably stay for as long as I live. The blood, the snow, the smoke, Dash. 

I felt Sam’s hand on my back as she rubbed it and soon wrapped her arm around my shoulder. She was able to pull me into a hug as I let my head rest on her shoulder. Sam always had something to say, whether it was comforting or tough love, but sometimes her hugs would mean so much more than anything she would have to say. 

~

As I walk outside, I zip my coat up and pull the hood up. The wind’s picked up and the temperature has definitely dropped. Sam closes the door behind me as I walk down the steps and make my way towards my car. I manage to get into the driver’s seat without freezing. I slam the door shut and pull my hood down as my hair falls back into place. I take a few breaths as I pull my phone out of my pocket and see a snapchat notification titled ‘Dash’. It takes me a moment before I decide to open it. I smile as I see a picture of him taking a partial selfie titled ‘hey’. There's blood dried on his face, but less so than last time, which is a bit uplifting. 

I decide not to reply right now, as I shut my phone off and set it in the passenger seat. I start the car up as I pull out of Sam's driveway. I start to head home cautiously as the roads are covered with snow. Once I make it home, I grab my phone, shut the car off and hop out, rushing inside before I get covered with snow. I close the door behind me as I take my coat off and slip off my shoes. 

I drag myself up the stairs as I try not to recite the conversation between Sam and I in my mind. Anyone who's ever had a crush has to go through this part, and I'm not so sure how I'm gonna be able to push myself through it. I waltz into my room before shutting the door behind me. I plug in the Christmas lights that surround my room and I stop for a second to take a breath. My phone vibrates in my pocket and the anxiety kicks in. I take it out of my pocket and set it on my desk, refusing to think about that conversation right now. I sit down on my comforter and pull open a drawer in my nightstand and reach towards the back until I feel the slip of a photograph in my hand. I pull it out and glance at it with a soft smile on my face. I set it up against my lamp and grab the tangled mess of headphones off of the small table and set them on my bed. I get up briefly to grab my phone and then I basically fall back down on my bed. With a little bounce, I sit up and untangle the headphones, which proves to be a frustrating task. I plug them into my phone as I lay down and let myself drift off to whatever artist pops up first. 

The first song is quite possibly the worst, but I let it play because I can't deny I love it. 

As I listen to the lyrics, I mouth along and can't help but let him slip into my mind.

But for now, I don't want to forget about him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!
> 
> Another late update, but at least it's actually summer for me now, so I'll be able to update more!
> 
> This chapter is honestly one of my favorites. It really focuses on Danny and even though it's a typical kind of idea, it's a really slowed down chapter and there's possibly a few questions that could arise from it.
> 
> So let me know how you guys are liking it so far, add feedback, and tune in for the next chapter!
> 
> Thanks for reading!!
> 
> P.S. The chapter title was based on Joshua Radin's "Winter". Plus it's the song Danny is listening to at the end. Definitely give it a listen, I relate it to Danny a lot and how he's processing everything and his feelings towards Dash.


	5. You Give Me Problems

8:28 A.M.

nothing.

‘you there?’

9:04 A.M.

nothing.

I wanted to know. I needed to know. I deserved to know why some kid who’s never been fond of me saved my life just for some bullshit excuse such as ‘Thanks.’ Of course he ignores me, because I assume it’s either an obvious question or he just doesn’t want to give me any kind of opinion on the matter. He’s probably just glad it’s over. I would be.

There are so many questions spinning in my head right now that they’re nearly giving me a migraine. Some I can shrug off, like the flower one. It’s plain courtesy to give anyone flowers when they’re in the hospital, I guess. Even if that person gave you wedgies and spread rumors and treated you like shit for two complete years. 

But some of the questions stick.

The biggest one right now is just, why did he do it?

As the snow piles up outside, I watch T.V. and wait for a nurse or doctor to give me some kind of good news. It’s a long shot, but getting out of here would be a fucking relief. I’ve already become nauseous staring at the boring white tiles in the roof, the horrible hospital smell, and the voices of nurses and doctors ruining your peace every half hour. If I could just go home or crash at Kwan’s I’d be fine. Not like I’m going to school or driving anywhere anytime soon. I just want to get the fuck out. 

By the time 11:00 rolls around, I finally get a response from Danny, and I open it much more eagerly than usual.

‘hey’

That’s it?!

‘hey’ is all I get??

I lift my phone up and turn on the selfie mode, scared to see what I looked like. 

Not too bad. I take a pic of myself and caption it with ‘hey’, giving him a taste of his own medicine.

Take that, Fenton.

I watch for a few seconds, in case he’s quick to respond. Apparently not. I shut my phone off and set it on the side of my bed, hoping to feel it vibrate or show any sign of a notification. 

Nothing.

I honestly shouldn’t have any idea what to expect. We just became friends. We’re basically, acquaintances. I’m not sure why I care so much. I just kind of need to understand why someone else would go through that shit just for someone like me. It’s a little hard to just accept. 

Just as I consider texting Kwan to come over and hang out, the doctor walks in with two nurses who immediately work on removing some of the IVs and machines. One of them came in with crutches, and my eyes instantly darted to my leg. This is it, right? This has to be it.

“Good news, Baxter. You’re ready to leave.” The doctor said as she smiled at me in a cheesy manner. “Just, take it easy from now on, okay? No driving, nothing too physical, just some good bed-rest for the next couple of days.” 

I’ve never been happier to see a doctor in my life. I basically returned the cheesy grin she gave me, as I eagerly pulled my right leg off the bed and felt the cold tile floor. I struggled to lift up my other leg, but once she handed me a crutch, everything was much more stable and level. I took the other crutch and slid both of them under my arms as I pulled myself up off of the bed. I didn’t realize how heavy my body was until my right leg started to go out from under me. I was able to catch myself, and pulled myself up a little until I was making my way towards the door. 

“Who authorized it?” I asked as I gave another look at the doctor. Hopefully not dad. I didn’t have time for his shit right now. I swear, if it’s Danny I’ll -

“That friend of yours, Kwan. His parents are here too.” She said as she kept a steady eye on me, making sure I didn’t trip or fall. Weird. I didn’t know friends could discharge you. But I’d rather not question it at the moment because I’m just happy I’m out and not seeing dad with his usual pissed-off expression.

As I make my way down the hallways, I eventually see Kwan waiting at a desk, talking to what I assume is a medical intern. I let out a little chuckle as I keep approaching, still unseen by Kwan.

“She’s out of your league, you idiot.” I nearly shout as I let out a laugh afterwards. Kwan sees me and his face is steaming. The intern is laughing as I see what I think is smoke rising off the top of Kwan’s head. He gave a cheeky grin to the girl as he walked over to me and his grin immediately faded. 

“Your best friend is struggling to walk yet you’re flirting with some girl?”

I tease Kwan for a bit, only because it’s so easy. Not to mention he deserves it.

“Yeah, and that girl is gonna see how much of a wonderful friend I am once I help you out.” He thought he had this all planned out, but he’s just got another thing coming. As we pass by the desk, Kwan keeps checking to see if she’s watching us. Me, being the oh so supportive friend I am, know just how to reel her in for him. 

“Hey man, how’s the girlfriend?” I ask as I look over at Kwan with a devilish smirk.

Kwan’s face assures me I’ll have two broken legs after this. 

We both glance over and the girl is walking back into an office. My gaze turns back to Kwan as I smile and scoff.

“You’re welcome.” I say with a smug expression on my face as he fights the urge slap the back side of my head.

As we leave the hospital with Kwan’s parents guiding us to the car, I look ahead and see Kwan’s mom open one of the back doors as his dad goes around to the driver’s seat. Kwan still has a grip on one of my arms as I pull my legs through the slush on the ground. When we get closer to the car, I feel my leg stop where it is. Kwan goes to take another step, but feels my arm lacking in movement.

Kwan asked as he stopped and looked at me, a worried expression painted on his face.

“Dash, you okay?”

I can’t.

I can’t get in.

I struggle to even breathe normally as I look at the car. As the silence goes on, I quickly end it as I take a step forward. I can’t be like this. Not now. I just need to forget about it.

“Yeah, fine.” I replied as I started to move on. Kwan still had some concern, but he knew not to push me on this kind of stuff. He helped me get to the car and we shoved the crutches in the way back, not letting them be in the way at all. I climb into the seat and lift up my left leg, pulling my right leg in directly after. Kwan closes the door as I take a breath and cup my hands around my mouth, warming up my face a little. Kwan climbs into the seat next to me and his parents are already in their seats. 

I say it to Kwan sometimes, but I’m so thankful him and his family are willing to watch out for me. In a way it sucks, because I always feel like a burden and they never really give me a chance to worry about it, but on the other hand, they’re fucking life savers.

The drive home is fairly uncomfortable for me at least. It’s just nerve-wracking to be in a car again, and to feel pretty vulnerable. I keep my mouth shut about it because I don’t want to upset Kwan or be rude in any way. But the sooner I can get out of this fucking thing, the better. I slip my phone out of my pocket and check to see if there’s any notifications from Danny.

Nothing.

I open the chat and start to type as I try to put together what to say.

‘out of the hospital.’

Just so he doesn’t waste time going over and finding out I’m not in there anymore.

I push my phone back into my pocket as I stare out the window at the falling snow. I fucking hate winter. Not because of snow. Not because of the cold. Just because of what happened. It’s kinda ruined the season for me. Not to mention I hate eighteen-wheelers too, but that’s also backed up with legitimate reasoning.

While we pass house after house, Kwan nudges me, snagging my attention away from the snowy miserable outside world. I glance over and he’s got some kind of guilty expression on his face, but I can’t necessarily figure this one out.

“You’re parents aren’t home, so you’re gonna be spending the day at my place. I know it’s none of my business, but in my opinion, it’s for the better.”

Kwan knows exactly how to be a good friend. He knows when to push me then immediately reel me back in. It’s a bit upsetting that I drew him into the situation, but he can definitely save me sometimes. 

“Hey, you can call Paulina and invite her over, if you want. I know she really misses you.” Kwan teased as his voice went up and down and in all sorts of directions. 

“No.”

I immediately respond, unable to tell if it sounds rude or not.

“I’m just not in the mood to see her. She can be too much, you know?”

Kwan nods, knowing exactly what I mean. Simply hearing her talk sometimes makes me want to bang my head against the concrete walls in our classrooms. And don’t get me started on the sounds she makes if you make out with her. Fucking insane.

As we arrive at Kwan’s house, his dad parks the car and I immediately open my door, eager to get out. I let both of my feet dangle above the ground and let myself down out of the car. I hold onto the door as Kwan grabs my crutches from the back. He hands them to me as I slip them under my arms and follow him and his parents to the house. Once we’re in, I take off my coat and shoe and follow Kwan up the stairs, hopping as carefully as I can. We get to Kwan’s room, and I hop over to my favorite part of his room. His extremely comfortable leather chair. I sink down into it as I let out a sigh. 

Kwan sits on his bed and takes out his phone, immediately checking for notifications. I feel the urge to do the same, but I already know I won’t have any right now. Usually I’d feel the vibration in my pocket, but since I last checked it, nothing. 

“So, why again was Fenton in your room?”

Ah, the awaited question that still doesn’t have a complete answer.

“Oh, turns out he was the one who saw the whole accident and called 911 and all. He was just worried. Dunno why.” I finished as I added a shrug.

“Jesus, seems like he wouldn’t do any favor for you after everything we’ve done to him.” Kwan added as he continued to browse his messages.

“Everything I’ve done to him.” I corrected Kwan, knowing damn well I was the one who put Danny through shit. I sound like a pussy, but it’s true. Kwan barely did anything to Danny. He always stood aside and watched.

“Guess karma really is a bitch.” I say with a little chuckle. 

I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and I instantly reach to take it out.

About damn time, Fenton.

I see a notification from Danny and it’s a chat reply.

‘good.’

That’s weird. No picture, no full sentence, huh.

I’m getting real sick of all this bullshit and I want an answer from him now.

I start to type back as soon as his message goes away.

‘seriously though, why’d you help me?’

Something feels weird about typing that. It’s just nothing you’d normally talk about, I suppose. But I still can’t wrap my head around why this kid I bullied for year after year saves my life and still cares enough to get me flowers and shit. 

It just doesn’t add up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, really late. Sorry about that!
> 
> BUT I hope to add another update very very soon to make up for the time.
> 
> I'll admit this chapter wasn't completely worth the wait, but be assured the next one certainly will be.
> 
> Dash and Kwan's friendship is always so fun to play with. Not sure how much more of that will be in future chapters, but it'll stick around.
> 
> Be sure to check in on the next chapter! Like I said, it'll be worth the wait!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	6. Been A While Since We Were All Alone

My playlist is just about through by the time I wake up.

“Everybody Wants To Rule The World” is playing, and I’m so so glad I didn’t sleep through it.

I’ve always had a small love for 80’s music. Most of the songs are just too good to call old, you know?

I glance over at my phone, ignoring the notifications and only glancing at the time. 

5:39 P.M.

Finally, a good long nap instead of a useless ten minute one.

I pull my headphones out and pause the music on my phone, deciding I’d save the rest for later. I scroll through my notifications and notice a few from Dash, a lot from Sam, and a couple from my sister and some classmates at school. 

I don’t know if looking at Dash’s first is the best idea, so I skip him and open Sam’s messages. As usual, they’re just tags on Facebook of posts I’d like, or she likes and wants me to know she likes them. My sister did the same thing, but specifically on posts geared towards her.

My classmates asked if a study group was possible, but considering I’ve got a ton of homework coming my way over the next couple weeks, I pass.

I realize I can’t escape Dash’s conversation forever, so I open our chat and see the same question yet again. 

Damn, he’s so persistent on knowing, not like he’ll care after I tell him.

Part of me realizes why I did it, but bringing it up to him might freak him out. On the other hand, it could really open his eyes and perhaps something good could come out of that.

Either way, I’m telling him and not holding anything back anymore.

I start typing and realize I had a lot more on my mind than I thought.

‘I saved your ass because I knew I owed it to you. Funny, huh? I owe the guy who bullied me. Now I don’t know if being on the football team caused amnesia or some shit, but back in middle school you were my friend. You helped me when no one else wanted to. You were the one who stayed by my side granted it wasn’t obvious in public. You were ashamed to be near me back then too, but at the time I didn’t notice because I was stupid as shit in middle school. But you, you were a good person. You cared. So because you helped me through so much shit, I felt I should return the favor. Also, because it was a good thing to do that any decent human being would do. You’re welcome, by the way.’

Yikes. Nice going, Fenton.

I don’t know whether or not I actually approve everything I typed, but I do know that if Sam were here, she would immediately press send. 

I press it, feeling my inner Sam give a thumbs up.

Maybe it was a lot.

Okay, I went overboard.

But, it’ll stir something. I don’t know if it’ll be good or bad, but whatever this was, it’ll be over.

 

~

 

As the bell rings, the hallways crowd with armies of middle schoolers. From the kids in kindergarten to the ‘mature ones’ in eighth grade, all students plow outside towards the buses and their parents cars.

The teachers gather for a brief conference in the lounge, not knowing some students are still left in the classrooms. 

A young boy struts the halls with some of his buddies. His blonde hair is slicked back, he’s got a baseball themed backpack, the newest, high-end sneakers, and to top it off, he’s loudly chewing gum. 

As he pulls away from his group and steps inside a classroom to spit his gum out, he looks up to notice a boy sitting alone at a desk. The boy has pitch black hair and has his face down on the desk. The other boy calls out to his friends that he’ll see them later, and that he has to finish up some work. The others leave, and the boy sets his backpack down as he cautiously approaches the other boy.

“Hey, you know you missed the buses.”

The blonde boy comments as he glances outside, seeing the parking lot practically empty. He turns his gaze back on the boy and raises an eyebrow at the sound of a sniffle.

The black-haired boy lifts his head as he wipes away the tears on his cheeks.

“Yeah, I know. My parents are gonna pick me up.”

He says as he continues to get himself together, not wanting to look like an idiot.

The blonde can’t help but feel a bit nervous, wondering why this kid is upset. He knows it’s rude to ask people about personal stuff, but his curiosity was just too powerful.

“Why are you upset? Did you get detention or something”

He asked, attempting to maintain a gentle tone.

The other boy shakes his head, more tears filling his eyes as he reaches down for his backpack.

“No. M-My grandmother died.” 

He spat it out, unable to fully say it without letting out a slight whimper as the tears streamed down his cheeks.

The other boy, feeling extremely at fault, took a step back as he tried to think of something to say to help.

“I-I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean-”

He stops himself as he sees the other boy stand up and continue wiping away tears.

The blonde took a second and reached out to the other boy, gently pulling him into a hug. 

“I’m so sorry.” He said as he kept a hold of the other boy.

The crying boy let himself wrap his arms around his fellow student and his head sank into his shoulder. 

The two boys stood in the room, simply hugging each other without moving or talking.

The blonde finally decided he’d hugged him for too long and gently pulled out of the hug. 

“If you wanna hang out or something sometime, you can let me know. My name’s Dash, by the way.” He said with a slight smile on his face.

“I know. Everyone in our grade knows you, Dash. My name’s Danny.” Danny said as he nodded at Dash.

“Nice to properly meet you, Danny.” Dash added with a laugh that echoed from Danny.

The two smiled at each other as they soon left the classroom, discussing recent video game releases and which one's they had or wanted.

In the empty hallway, only the two boys walked side by side and couldn’t keep themselves from talking to the other.

 

~

 

Mortified of seeing any response from Dash, I shut my phone off completely and set it face-down on my desk. I glance out the window to see nothing but snow and the faded view of the houses on the other side of the street. God, winter sucks. I’d kill to go out for a car ride and roll the windows down and feel the warm breeze blow through the car. Anything just to feel grass under my feet and to stare out at a beautiful lake.

~

The lake was still and clear, the wind rarely picking up and not a cloud to be seen in the sky. A rock is picked up, tossed around, and finally is flung out across the surface of the water, skipping a mere three times. 

“Wow, you suck at this.” Danny said as he laughed and picked up a rock from the pile the two boys stocked.

“I’m better at throwing a baseball.” Dash said as he huffed and reached down to supply himself with a rock.

Danny positioned the rock in his hand as he threw it and watched it skip about double the times Dash’s did. Dash makes a rotten face towards Danny, which triggers Danny to burst out laughing. Dash ditches the skipping method and chooses to chuck the rock as far as he could into the lake. 

The two boys stood there silently, staring out into the reflection of the lake. Danny’s eyes move towards a nearby loon that resurfaces from the lake. Dash is intrigued by an eagle above, circling the lake in some attempt to spot it’s next meal. 

“It must be nice to live right nearby.” Danny spoke up as he broke the silence. His focus from the loon turned towards Dash as he waited for some kind of response. His eyes started their gaze on his bright blonde hair, then moved down to his light blue eyes, and before he realizes, he’s completely missed what Dash said. Danny just turns his head back out to the lake as he nods. “Yeah.”

The sun rested just above the treeline in front of the boys. Little had they realized they had been with each other for the majority of the day. 

“Hey, have you ever gone swimming out here?” Danny spoke up as he quickly turned his attention back towards Dash, eager for an answer so he could flesh out his idea. 

Dash immediately turned to Danny, slightly taken aback from the quick energy coming from Danny after all this calm time.

“No, I haven’t thought of that actually.” Dash admitted as he stared out at the lake, instantly connecting the dots. “We shouldn’t today though. It’s getting late.” Dash added as he slightly frowned and started to back away from the lake and turned towards the forest behind the two.

Danny let out a small disgruntled noise but he understood. He let his gaze sit on the lake for just a few moments longer. Little does he know how this memory will stick in his head for years.

~

The sound of my phone vibrating tears me away from my memory and drags my gaze to my desk. My phone lays there beside my copy of "Simon Vs. The Homo Sapiens Agenda." Pretty good book, if I say so myself.

I reach for my phone and flip it over, seeing Dash’s name at the top of my notifications. I bite my bottom lip as I slide through the lockscreen, anxiously opening his message. I bring the phone closer to my face and my heart nearly skips a beat.

‘come by my place tomorrow’

I’m sick of all this cryptic shit. From now on we need to talk in a realistic fashion, not like we’re in some fucking movie or something.

Something about this doesn’t feel right. It’s not usual that a rant like that wouldn’t warrant some kind of backlash, especially from someone like Dash. But what else am I supposed to do?

‘Okay? At least tell me if you plan on beating me up because I’m sick of surprise black eyes.’

I notice he hasn’t left the conversation since I opened his text and he immediately begins typing to respond to my last text. Something’s up with him. We may have only hung out in middle school, but knowing Dash’s true personality, this is more attentive than usual.

‘i don’t plan on beating you up. just be here around noon, ok?’

Seems suspicious, but I’ll go for it.

‘Okay.’

That ends the shortest and most cliche conversations I’ve ever had with a boy. At least it’s Dash and not some Tinder douche.

The small part of me that is hoping, praying, begging for something to happen between us is slowly dying. It’s been dying for the past few years but after everything that’s happened recently, it feels as though it’s slowed down, and is reconsidering.

I’m not asking for him right now. I’m not asking for a relationship right now. All I want is more than I’ve had with him for a long time. And God, I think I even deserve it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suck at writing and posting.
> 
> BUT here's a (sadly) short chapter that gives some backstory between the two.
> 
> This chapter is slightly rushed because I wanted to get it out there but I'm working on the rest of the story so hopefully chapter by chapter it'll get better!
> 
> Leave any feedback in the comments! I'd highly appreciate it!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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